A little over two months ago, I came home with a new guide dog. He’s a beautiful black lab male, and having a young dog again has been a bit of a learning experience for me. My new dog is a terrific guide, he’s full of energy, he’s very sweet and affectionate, and he is really a very good dog.
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I sat in the bar across from my mom slowly nursing a rum drink. The music boomed in the background, and I looked out the window at the people passing by. It was almost dark then, but I could see the people illuminated by many streetlights. I watched as a young man came by walking beside his bike. It looked more like he was using his bike as a crutch as he staggered down the street. He tried once to get on his bike and missed. He tried again…and again. I watched utterly amused as he propped his bike onto a concrete trashcan. He then sat atop the trashcan and slowly slid onto the seat of his bike. Then he slowly rode off, unsteadily weaving slightly as he rode into the night. Talk about a spontaneous response! I started laughing to the point I almost cried while my mom was puzzled until I shared with her that morsel of experience.
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The Joy’s Still There
Today would’ve been my parents 35th Wedding Anniversary. That wasn’t my first thought this morning, and I’m quite thankful it wasn’t. I know my mom is pulling through as well as she can.
One evening last week, I worked with Tej Steiner, and that was truly helpful. For those who aren’t familiar with Tej, I highly recommend visiting his website, http://www.heartcirclenetwork.com. Being that you’re here working with Christian, you’ve likely heard his name many times. Tej is just wonderful, and he has helped immensely. I’ve also worked with other friends just to move through this all. They’ve all been such godsends.
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Clearing Space & Holding On
It’s been almost two weeks since Dad suddenly moved overseas to be with another woman. A lot is happening in our home, but at the same time there are a lot of similar themes coming up over and over again emotionally.
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Honesty & Perspective in the Midst of Turmoil
The first thing I really would like to admit is that emotionally, I’ve been all over the place in the last week. I go through times when I feel so weak I start to actually think I’ll crack under everything. I go through times when I’m so angry that little snarky comments just trickle out. I go through moments when I feel sad, helpless or even like a victim of the circumstances. Then I go through times when I experience joy and a sense of acceptance or peace with all that is happening in my life.
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"...So, it was beyond shocking to come home that evening to find a note from Dad saying that he met another woman and was moving to the Philippines to be with her. All I could do as I read that note was cry and shake. It was as if I started crumbling under the weight of everything happening at once."
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What I find interesting is how in many New Thought circles, it seems that people who hold jobs like mine are encouraged to take some leap of faith and quit their jobs to find their joy. It also is interesting how it’s assumed that our joy and our current occupations are somehow mutually exclusive. It was as if there are times we tell ourselves, “Either I can be an administrative assistant, or I can be happy... It has to be one of the two.”
