Often I am baffled by why so many men find it challenging to commit to a relationship. There is so much to be said about the innate joy and exquisite thrill that comes with creating something with a person. When done right, or even a little wrong, there is such great potential for so much growth.

I have been told by countless friends and books and gurus that in order to welcome a mate that desires what you do from a relationship {or one at all for that matter} you must be ruthless in your strategy and in your dealings with others. If you are entertaining the idea of having fun flings or breezy romances then you are sending the wrong signals and attracting people who are not in alignment with your hearts truer desire. If you are currently in a relationship with someone who is see-sawing and not being completely clear with what they want or if you find yourself minimizing what you want in order to please the other than it is time to reevaluate how you are being and what you are allowing.

I believe that we have the power and privilege to create our lives. Perhaps we don’t have complete dominion and control but I do believe we have a lot to say about how it looks and feels like.

A lot of the fears that men harbor over relationships and committing to one comes from the psychological trauma caused in childhood and in the ways they saw their parents interact with one another. If it was anything but loving and healthy than our internal flags go off when ever there is a threat of having to repeat those mistakes. It’s as if the body and mind go on alert in order to avoid damage and pain from experiences that will cause repeated feelings of sadness and loss. I understand how this is both a smart reflex and an important strategy. But as adults I also feel it is crucial and important to rebuild our reserves and do the work necessary to dismantle these tactics because they are severely getting in the way of our healing and progress. And severely getting in the way of us building relationships based in the present moment where we create space for one another to truly see and know each other. There is nothing sweeter than sharing with each other when there is no clutter from the past, no fears holding us back, no apprehensions of where this is going and what it means…just the beauty of being in the present moment with one another and allowing life to unfold spontaneously and with ease.

But I realize that we all come with baggage and we all naturally have our own issues to wash, iron and fold. If we are willing to face them and deal with their healing then we can move with more ease into being with one another with more integrity and honesty. And just as importantly, if not more, we will be able to harness the relationship with our own selves causing all the other relationships to spring forth in a healthy manner. When we love ourselves and have a harmonious relationship with ourselves all else falls into place.

I look forward to the day when we can embrace one another as we are and not hold out on all the love that is available to us. I look forward to loving with abandon and freeing myself from the constraints of uncertainties and fears that are tangled in the past. And I believe that we can begin to do this now without years of therapy. We can do this right now with the person we are with. I am choosing to do this by allowing myself first to be scared. I can admit I’m afraid of repeating the same mistakes and admitting it out loud even, that frees me to get it off my chest and follow a new path. One that is paved in the direction of health and joy. And I free myself to take my partners hand and trust that he can love me like I have been too afraid to be loved. I can trust that I not only deserve it and have the right to that but that I can be good it at. I can be good at creating a good relationship. I don’t have to suck at it anymore. I can leave that story hanging out in Chapter 5 of my life. I have the freedom to turn the page and begin anew with the perspective of fresh eyes and brave heart.

This is an endeavor we all owe to ourselves. Begin again and begin with courage and trust. I truly believe once we trust then the world opens onto us a bevy of love and it trusts us back. It hands us the tools to work with that we need, the guides and friends that are best suited to support us and it will lovingly remind us that beyond all of this we have already the deep well of wisdom within us that will guide us back home. The right man will appear, the most wonderful woman will show up. Do love yourself and absolutely do work on healing any wounds that require tending but don’t give up on your heart. Know that it has the capacity to renew itself ever more and to let in more of itself no matter how hurt you have been in the past. Today is a perfect day to take a deep breath and open yourself to a loving commitment. It will be the most rewarding, gratifying, wonderful decision you’ve ever made.

One of the most beautiful gifts we have in this journey is to be able to love one another. And sometimes along the path we get beat up and bruised and knocked around but ultimately what will heal us, is love. Love is the force that will kiss the scars away and sooth the resistance.

So I implore each of you to take a risk.

Risk it all for love.

let love in.